my past doesn't define me; He does | a reflection

"Without Jesus, my story is just another sad story about how a college girl became a statistic, but with Jesus, my story is about strength and love, and there is a happy ending."

Anyone who has heard me give my testimony in the past 6 or so months has probably heard me end it with something resembling the above statement.  That statement is the very embodiment of what I hope live out today and every day for the rest of my life.

Today I celebrate one year of growth, one year of love, one year of redemption. One year ago today something meaningful was taken from me, but through my journey, I found the one thing I was always missing: a meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ.  I know a lot of you who are reading this know my story, and an even bigger number of you don't, but I want to emphasize that that isn't the point of why I'm writing this post.  I'm writing this because I am in awe of a gracious and merciful God who has, in the course of 365 days, taken me from my lowest point to a place where I am excited to wake up every day. If you would have told me last year that I am now openly sharing my story for the glorification of Jesus and am actually living a life that I love, I doubt my reaction would have been very pretty.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

One year ago, I was broken, hurt, lonely, and believed that I had no worth.  I felt guilty, dirty, and thought that I deserved whatever happened to me. Being at that low spot allowed me to experience the full love of Christ, because he met me where I was. I didn't have to do anything to earn it, because he died on that cross for me.  He picked me up, brushed me off, and let me lean on him. I will never be okay with what happened to me, but because of that one event, I had to find Jesus. Because of that one event, I am a better daughter, sister, friend, leader, and someday I will be a better mom and wife. I have a renewed love for missions, because I love telling people about what Jesus did for me.  I am excited where my adventure will lead, because I have Jesus as a light to my path.

I would like to address the fact that it was very hard to get here, and I still struggle every day.  I mourned and grieved the loss of something I held very dear to my heart.  I sobbed when I thought of future relationships, and how this one event would define my life.  I sabotaged relationships, harbored resentment, and justified acting out. I was rightfully hurt, but that was no excuse for putting my well being on the back burner and ignoring every other thing, healthy or unhealthy in my life.  I sent myself into a spiraling season of depression and self loathing, even convincing myself that it was my fault. I was convinced that I couldn't tell anyone, and those who I told knew twisted versions of the story.  I lived my life in isolation, turning my social butterfly heart into a penitentiary and my optimistic personality into a sad excuse for a happy face. I believed the devastating lie that I was in this alone, and that I sure as heck couldn't bring God into it.  I was determined to handle it all alone by becoming a girl who I thought I had to be. (Spoiler alert: not a good plan.) By the time second semester had started, I had become severely depressed, anxious, and suicidal, spending most days of the week in my bed. I became quite the actor, deceiving anyone who showed concern and making them believe that I was okay. I suffered the wrath of my own will and actions, and got to the lowest low possible.I couldn't handle it alone anymore, and that still small voice that I tried to silence for months finally pushed into my thoughts. "You are not alone. You are loved. You are beautiful and valued and not broken". I let my heart out of solitary confinement.  Slowly, then all at once, I was happy again.  I had friends.  I had things to look forward to. I saw a purpose for my life. I saw the woman that God sees when he looks at me, and stopped trying so desperately to be the girl I was convinced I wanted to be.

If you're reading this and you are in that low spot, broken place, or lonely cage, please know that you are not alone. No one is alone, and don't let the enemy tell you that you are the exception.  Talk to someone, don't let him have power in your silence.  Get out there and do something that makes you happy, don't let him have power in your isolation. Lay your hurts and sorrows down at the cross, don't let him have power in your separation from Jesus. It's hard, and painful, but its so worth it. Never forget that God sent his son down to Earth to suffer and die for this, for you. The devil will relentlessly try to downplay the significance of that beautiful sacrifice. Do not let him. Hold on to the truths that Jesus has to offer, and never ever let go.

1 Timothy 1:7 promises that we do not have to be fearful, because we are powerful.
Philippians 2:15 promises we shine like stars in the sky.
Hebrews 13:5 promises that we are never alone.
John 15:15 promises that we are not servants, but free.
Ephesians 2:10 promises that we are God's perfect creation, created to do beautiful things.
1 Peter 2:9 promises that we are his chosen people, his royal heirs.
2 Corinthians 5:17 promises that, in Christ, we are new creations.

God will never put any trial or struggle in our path that we cannot endure with him. Fact. We will all go through our own hard times. Fact. We will never truly understand what God is doing in someone else's life, but we can be there for them in their time of need. Fact.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have stood by me during this season of my life. Whether you know it or not, you have all helped me on the path to where I am now and where I'm going. Thank you for encouraging me to keep on fighting the good fight, and pointing every sign along the way back to Jesus.  I am so happy to say that I am standing strong, ready for my future and whatever it holds.

If you are reading this and don't see a point to keep fighting, you don't believe that religion can help, or that you're too far gone for Jesus, I want to encourage you that he wants nothing more than to be your friend in all of this, and I want to challenge you to call out to him and let him comfort you. Let him walk with you in the good times and the bad.  He is the only friend who will never leave you, who will always listen, and who will understand everything you will ever go through.

"For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."
2 Corinthians 4:5-10

I want to thank you all who are reading this for being a part of my journey.  I pray that my words may encourage you, no matter what kind of trials you will go through. If you want to talk more about this, or hear my testimony, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'd love to chat!

Here's to years and years of more healing and growth, and an eternity more with my heavenly Father.

-SB

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:4-7

the blind leading the blind | a social media field guide

Hello beautiful people!

This week, I had the amazing, wonderful, marvelous opportunity to lead a breakout session at my Cru's Womens' Time, along with my dear co lead Erin, about how Media Impacts our Idea of Value as a Christian Woman. I know what you're thinking: "Wow! What a perfect topic for my favorite person, SB, to talk about!" Thanks, blog reader! I agree.

I am so passionate about this topic.  It's to timely, and it hits close to home, as I am a communications major and will be working closely with all kinds of media for the rest of my life.  Just like anything else in this life, navigating media is hard (because why would anything be easy?) It's a platform for all the broken people of the world to compete to see who can pretend to be the least broken.  It's a platform that is home to both lost college students and pre- pubescent children and middle aged professionals and everyone in between , and no one is holding anything back.  Does anyone see something wrong with this? Okay good, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Jesus says that we are perfect in his sight, fearfully and wonderfully made, strong, dignified, his daughters and sons, and that with him, we cannot fail. These are all promises given to us in the bible, yet we so often deny the accuracy of his words. We'd rather hold onto the lies given to us by the King of Deceit, Satan himself. HE is the one telling us that we will never get the guy if we don't post a perfect bikini pic. HE is the one telling us that we will never be as successful as the person who is always posting about their amazing grades and academic achievements. HE is the one telling us that we will never be pretty enough, clever enough, funny enough. I have fallen victim to the lies of the devil so many times, trust me, and I am here to tell you that the war against him has been won, and we are no longer slaves to his lies.

Having social media isn’t a sin or bad, but we can use it wrong when we have motives that are impure behind it. Satan will do everything and anything to divide us with God, and social media is no exception.  Don’t play the fool and allow it to be a distraction or a heart struggle; give it to God and let him use it for his glory.

So what now? Social media isn't going anywhere, and I for sure am not trying to tell you to avoid it (because then I'd be out of a future career). God has blessed us with free will, but we also live in a broken world, and nothing is gonna be perfect. So, I'd like to share with you some of my very own tips and tricks for navigating social media as a young, valued, beautiful, daughter of Christ. (Special super amazing shoutout to my co lead, Erin Mackenstein, for helping me lead this talk and contributing #6!)

SB's SOCIAL MEDIA FIELD GUIDE FOR SUPER AMAZING, FUNKY FRESH BIBLICAL CHICAS

• Never do something on Social Media that you wouldn’t do in person.  
• This includes what you wear, the conversations you have, even the gossipping of another person to your best friend.  Those things may seem appealing, but they are doing nothing but damaging your relationship with Jesus.  We don’t need fancy clothes, contouring makeup, or duck faces to be accepted by him, and if he is all we need, why would we try to impress others that way? Surround yourself with people who find your passion for Jesus attractive and enticing.
• Command and teach these things.  Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.  Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.” -1 Timothy 4:11-13
• Don’t mistake a boy sending you a DM or liking your selfie for a man actively pursuing you.
• You are worth so much more than just a few taps behind a iPhone screen.  Hold out for a man who is willing to ask you out on a REAL date.  If you don’t think that boy is praying for you, or if you don’t think he would ask your father for his blessing, drop him.  Those practices might seem a little extreme for today’s dating climate, but trust us, you’ll thank us later.  Jesus doesn’t need to see your flawless selfies or Instagram posts to love you, so you shouldn’t pine after people who do.
• “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” - 1 Corinthians 13:14-17
• Don’t be afraid to just unplug.
• The beauty of social media and cell phones is that they come with an off button.  Being the first like on your bestie’s Insta post or keeping your Snapchat streaks alive aren’t (and will never be) more important than your mental health and your relationship with Jesus. Ask yourself questions like: “am I walking by the spirit?”, “am I bragging?”, “am I battling envy and discontent?”, and “is this the best and most glorifying use of my time?”.  If you feel drained after a few minutes on Facebook, lonely after #NationalBoyfriendDay on Instagram, or forgotten after seeing all your friends hitting up G Hill on a Saturday night, spend some time with Jesus.  Crack open your bible and soak up the truths he has to offer.
• “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.” -Matthew 6:1

• Don’t let Social Media replace community in your life!
• As Christians, community is one of the biggest gifts and assets we have been given by God.  We are social creatures, we are not meant to live in isolation.  Don’t let Satan sell you the lie that an online relationship will be as fulfilling as a real one.  We need to be real with each other, laugh together, cry together, live together, and that is something that Facebook will never be able to offer. “
• “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” -Hebrews 10:24-25
• Use it to be a light!
• We are living in a day and age where something’s worth is based on a number of tags, likes, and retweets.  While that is wildly corrupt, we have to get out there and be warriors for Jesus.  As Christians, people will always come after what we believe and try to tear us down. What you do on social media isn’t a reflection of anyone else’s character but your own.  If you spend time being bitter because of something you see, it will do nothing but hurt your own spirit. Use your platform to shine your light.  Something you post one second can be seen by someone in Japan in seconds.  It may be intimidating, but we cannot forget that we cannot fail with Jesus by our side.  Wear your faith on your sleeve, build each other up, and be unashamed of what Jesus has done in your life.  You never know who will see it, or how God will use it in someone else’s life.
• “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” -Matthew 5:14-16
• Comparison is the Thief of Joy
• No matter how put together someone may present themselves online, no one is perfect and has it all together. Be mindful of your thoughts when scrolling through your newsfeed, it’s easy to see a well filtered post and compare your life to someone else's. This may begin a spiral of self doubt and pity.  Everyone is on a different journey, comparison will drain your joy and peace of mind. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.  It is none of our business what God is doing in someone else’s life. You have been equipped with the power to say no to comparison, God has given you a sound mind, so walk in it.
• “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” -2 Timothy 1:7